Could use some cheering up

I'm a 47-year-old man. I've been significantly nearsighted since fifth grade, but still use singlevision lenses. Still have hair, etc. Never thought of myself as old at all.

Age was kind until ago three weeks ago when I saw flashing and floaters on the left periphery of my right eye. My girlfriend convinced me to get an exam, after which they rushed me directly into surgery for a scleral buckle. I'm doing well for three weeks. I had very little bruising at all and my eye opens well. I've got a weird bump or bruise ON my eye that irritates the lid a little.

I just can't see much out of it.

The vision is very blurry and smeary (worsened astigmatism?) on that eye. Wearing my regular glasses doesn't correct it. And I'm a writer who stares at a screen all day. I get the worst headaches starting a couple hours into the day. Like WOW! And I start and end my day with double vision.

I think I'm better off than a lot of people on here. But reading the Internet about this scares the heck out of me. The complications that can happen even years later. I write professionally, I read for pleasure. I also am restoring an old sportscar. And I know it's silly but I'm just PISSED OFF that I'm going to struggle to see. And the headaches kill me. I don't want to have to buy stock in Tylenol.

And damn it, they rushed me into surgery so fast I never had a chance to get used to the idea. I couldn't see what I was signing so many drops had been put into my eyes.

I went from feeling and seeing fine (just some flashing) and -- whoosh -- I feel crippled.

Sorry about this. I know I should cheer up.

 

Sorry to hear what you've been going through, that sounds tough and your frustration is justified. I can't imagine what you must be going through, it must be pretty scary. I can't advise about your eyes, but I have been through tough times myself recently and found comfort in Stoicism. It's more than just 'being stoic', it's about accepting the things you can't control and choosing how you deal with what life throws at you. If you struggle to read then maybe look into audiobooks, if you find it difficult to look at a screen then look into voice recognition, etc. There are always options, and life can be so much sweeter when you choose not to worry about things beyond your control.

 

Thanks, Becky. Unfortunately there's not much I can do about my working life. I work for an underfunded state agency. I doubt these computers have voice recognition. I am lucky if they work at all, in fact. I just gobble ibuprofen and try to get through the day, hoping for a marked improvement the next morning.

I did resume restoring my old car, closing my bad eye much of the time. My thought was "Get busy living, or get busy dying." It was slow work, but I made some progress. Seeing what one is working on or building is one of the prime challenges even for someone with normal eyesight. And forcing myself to see anything at all really makes my head hurt though.

Anyway I appreciate the suggestion that Stoicism may help. As I understand the philosophy, I believe I employ it in getting through the day. It begins to fail me, however, in the evening. A day of feeling stitches rub on my eyelid with every eye movement or blink is maddening. I get so I want to claw it out of my head, or, more ideally, and what I often do, have three or four stiff drinks and close my eyes.